How can we keep our children safe mentally in this time when everything Is changing like the wind, when parents, guardians, teachers, nurses and carers themselves are trying their hardest to stay above water?
HONESTY
Is it honesty? Telling them exactly what is going on in the world and how it is affecting different groups of people so that they may learn compassion and gratitude for their own circumstances?
HIDE THE TRUTH
Is it to pretend everything is perfectly fine despite the obvious changes to their day-to-day life, telling them the bare minimum to shield them from possible pain, upset, despair, empathy and anxiety for themselves and others?
YOU DECIDE
I think we need to just be realistic and mindful that every family, guardian and home will have a different answer to this and that is okay if we are all acting in the interest of protecting ourselves and each other mentally and physically.
If you know your child is intuitive, inquisitive interested in knowing everything and always seems to take in their stride whatever is going on around them, soaking it all up and then using that information to feel more prepared in control or able to help themselves or others then tell them everything!
Tell them why we need to sanitise and wear masks, not see nan and grandad for months on end, tell them gently, tell them correct information, let them have an opinion. Let them feel whatever it is that this makes them feel and sit with them in that…. Then once they have asked their questions had some tears/laughter or angry outbursts sit them down and reflect on what’s next.
1. What about this situation makes us happy and is positive? (Mum’s home instead of at work.)
2. What do we have control over? (I can choose which games I play and family I communicate with over the phone.)
3. How are we going to make the most of this situation? (I want to learn to play the keyboard - I never had time before now I can.)
4. If we feel sad what is our plan for ourselves and each other? (We could have a code word, so we know the other is having a down day, pick our favourite film and snuggle on the sofa.)
5. If we are ok can we help anyone else? (Foodbanks, pen pals, phone calls doorstep visits tidying, shopping, cleaning.)
If we have a child who struggles with anxiety, changes, overthinking, catastrophising maybe think about making sure the news is on in another room to them, making sure you try to have difficult conversations in their safe place and happy time, so it feels less invasive. Find ways to explain it to them in a way that is easier for them to understand and keep what you can of their routine the same and again try the points above to different degrees.
These are just my opinions from what I have learnt over the years I don’t always get it right and we inevitably all will end up being mentioned in our children’s therapy sessions for one reason or another one day.
Adults’ mental health is suffering also and I’m not ashamed to say that I have had counselling and coaching over the years and sometime through lockdown. It’s the same as going to a doctor you need to treat the mind the same way as the body - it’s the hidden symptoms that no one can see which can often be a sign that someone needs help. The more we all talk about these things the more it is normalised for our children, potentially making it easier for them to do the same.
You all know your children better than anyone else and we can only try our best. We do have a duty - we need to try to remember whether we have teenagers or toddlers that yes, they may just be throwing a tantrum or having a hormonal day, but they might also be suffering and not know how to deal with it. So, ASK them WATCH them LISTEN to them TALK to them and let their feelings be real and validated in your house and that will make it a home they feel they can be themselves in.
My Mental health Mum Mantra🤎
Nothing is forever everything has a beginning middle and an end. This is such an important thing to remember when you or someone around you is going through a hard time, it’s often the overwhelming feeling that there is no light at the end of the tunnel which can be crippling for people. But if you can just help them feel like the tide will change and the sun will come up again you may just help them out of the deep end and back above water. LINKS BELOW FOR HELP TODAY
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