When you’re an all feeling, all thinking over analysing person does your itch ever get scratched?
YES! when someone indulges me in a long deep thought-provoking conversation with real feels real opinions and we deep dive into all angles of that subject. That feeling after a dinner with a friend a “putting the worlds to right chat” with my mum over the phone those things scratch my itch. They scratch it. BUT sometimes they only scratch it in the same way that u can only scratch the between the centre of your own back to a certain degree.
It doesn’t quite hit the spot and on the odd occasion this is how were left after these amazing exchanges with friends’ family and peers. Not like getting a spatula chucking it over your shoulder and really breaking the skin.
In those spaces with close friends and family I have permission to give my real raw view on things, unapologetically myself without fear of judgement or reprimand. But do we keep a tiny portion of the truth to ourselves?
MAYBE and for sure with certain subjects. I feel I can say everything as it flows into my head confident that it will not have a negative effect on those relationships for the most part. But sometimes we still fear judgement or disapproval from our peers even as adults. Except now it’s not through fear of punishment like it may have been as a teenager, but through fear of letting the side down and not being able to continue to achieve the benchmarks of the path our parents and peers set us up on as children. Or through fear of not fitting neatly into the box which the friend /colleague/ acquaintance have already placed us in by stereotyping or using only their first impressions of us.
IT’S NOT ALL BAD, I think it’s a sign of maturity, compassion and admiration for others that we leave a little bit out when we get into these deep dive conversations or debates.
WHY? Should we not always give the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god?
NOT ALWAYS, there’s times when we just hold back that slice of the pie which might make them choke, we save that hard hitting reality check to not upset the apple cart, we keep our opinion of their loved ones to ourselves because we know it works for them right now. Maybe we don’t want to induce heartache or create distance between us.
Isn’t it beautiful to be someone that is so aware of just how far to take the conversation without ending it with a line-up of casualties wounded and broken by your opinion, the one you just had to shove down their throat.
Unfortunately, in the mature person that stops the conversation on a cliff hanger and reigns it back in before they fall of the edge. We also tend to become labelled as door mats, or someone who is unable to stand up for themselves and what they believe in. That’s the payoff that comes with being that person.
I think what it comes down to is, the subject that’s up for discussion and how it aligns with your personal beliefs and past experiences.
For me and most others the subject of our children is a compelling one, I will be the first person to be reserved and delicate in a conversation or debate. BUT if we are discussing my children or a matter that could possibly impact them negatively, then I will stick that parachute on and jump off the cliff shouting out my opinion on the way down landing into a sea of heated debate. IF I feel they need protecting in line with my personal beliefs on parenting and their upbringing.
IT’S ALL ABOUT CHOICE, you can choose to jump headfirst into that debate fighting tooth and nail for what you believe in, but you can also choose to do it sensitively and respectfully. Being open to others different views, without being condescending or insulting them.
That is where the scales sit carefully in balance, waiting to be tipped in yours or their favour. Once you choose to use profanity, violence, or any other ill-mannered tactics to try and get your point across you’ve lost the battle. So be conscious of how you deliver your message and your feelings on a matter. As once you throw those words or actions out there, they get wings and take flight and cannot be retracted. YOU are partly responsible for the affect they may have on others.
SO HOW DO WE TEACH OUR KIDS THE RIGHT WAY TO SPEAK UP?...Again in my opinion it’s all about balance.
“Son, do you feel strongly about xyz?”
“Yes, I do, and I want people to know what’s right or wrong about it. I need them to know why it starts a fire in me discussing it and I must make them agree with my point of view!”
“Parent, then come at this correctly but you cannot expect to control other people’s opinions.”
-Find facts then use them to back up your argument and add impact, then instead of just your voice it becomes the voice of a thousand real experiences.
-Do it with heart and from the heart.
-Do it for the right reasons to promote a positive outcome which will benefit someone somewhere.
-Do it with dignity and decorum, choosing your words wisely and your actions carefully.
-Do it so you know that when you walk away from that encounter, that you did it with your truth and your compassionate voice. Not with a fire in your belly you let turn into a volcano in your mouth!
That’s all we can try and teach them. No one ever has the right to deny you YOUR truth. If you know you are speaking your truth from the heart, then that cannot be disputed by anyone else. It is not up for debate with anyone other than yourself. You and only you know if what you are saying is your truth and that’s the best you can do. Quietly consider how your truth could create waves inside someone else and let them know your aware. Be sensitive to their truth but don’t let it stop you from fighting for what you believe in and feel is right. Don’t stop using your voice for good.
We are not here to force feed our views on others, we are here to use our knowledge and experiences to do good. If you learn something, TEACH then you can pass on that knowledge to someone else. Without a shadow of a doubt, we can learn something from everyone. I am grateful for the people and experiences I have had so far, which have added value to my life and helped me to understand differences and why they are crucial for our lives.
Questions to ask the children in your life, it’s interesting and lovely to hear their answers….
Who taught you how to be kind?
Who taught you how to make people feel better?
Who taught you to work hard?
Who taught you to be patient?
Who taught you how to make people smile?
Who taught you it’s ok to speak up for yourself?
Who do you feel you can relax with?
Is there anything which makes you feel angry when people talk about it?
Is there anything which makes you feel sad when people talk about it?
Is there anything which makes you feel excited when people talk about it?
Is there anything you would like to talk about more with me?
Who taught you what love is?
How do you know if someone loves you?
How do you show people you love them?
My Mum Mantra🤎
When you ask these questions, you may just get a little fuzzy feeling in your heart, when you find out what they have learnt from you. Then you can use that heart-warming feeling, to give you the energy to carry on with any mum jobs you need to do that evening. knowing that those little eyes are watching you and taking it all in. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB…THE BEST JOB!
P.s They may also completely shock you with their answers or just answer every question with can I have pudding now?! Maybe try again after the ice cream has been consumed xxx
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